Evil Twin Astrology

PISCES - Feb 19-Mar 20:
You have a vivid imagination & often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates & people resent you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence & are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

ARIES - Mar 21-Apr 19:
You are the pioneer type & hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient & scornful of advice. You are not very nice.

TAURUS - Apr 20-May 20:
You are practical & persistent. You have a dogged determination & work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn & bullheaded. You are a Communist.

GEMINI - May 21-June 20:
You are a quick & intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.

CANCER - June 21-July 22:
You are sympathetic & understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

LEO - July 23-Aug 22:
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain & dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are known thieves.

VIRGO - Aug 23-Sep 22:
You are the logical type & hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold & unemotional & sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

LIBRA - Sep 23-Oct 22:
You are the artistic type & have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man you are more than likely queer. Chances for employment & monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO - Oct 23-Nov 21:
You're shrewd in business & cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS - Nov 22-Dec 21:
You are optimistic & enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal.

CAPRICORN - Dec 22-Jan 19:
You are conservative & afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything & are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too long as they tend to take root & become trees.